I wondered how to get my ex back - and maybe get back at my ex at the same time. I gave a lot to the relationship, and I decided it was past time to get myself back.

Maybe you've heard that the best revenge is living well. I can tell you, there's no better way to live well than feeling happy, powerful, and confident.

So this is what I did. And maybe these tips can help you to get back at your ex and get back with your ex, too. Very efficient!

Get My Ex Back/Get Myself Back - Tip 1

I got myself back - and learned how to get my ex back - by changing the script. Sometimes people in long relationships develop patterns of communication. Everyone knows the lines, the same buttons get pushed, the same things get said, and nothing is ever settled. It's almost like a script in a long, boring play.

Once your emotions have cooled down and you're communicating with your ex again, change the pattern. Don't respond the same way you've always responded. If you would normally get angry and yell, try speaking softly. If you normally walk out, try staying for the discussion. You are the only one that can allow your buttons to be pushed.

Get My Ex Back/Get Myself Back- Tip 2

Try being unpredictable. Yes, what I wanted most was to scream at my ex, too. But try stepping back and listening instead. When you want to throw out ultimatums, try compromise instead. Be flexible. Surprise your ex with this new side of your personality. It may inspire them to rebuild the lines of communication that broke down when you broke up.

Get My Ex Back/Get Myself Back - Tip 3

The most important part of getting myself back - and learning how to get my ex back - was to reconnect with myself. You had a life before you and your ex got together, and now is the time to reclaim it. Call your friends and get out of the house. Develop a social network and bring back the fun in your life. You don't have to start dating to get out and enjoy yourself. It will be therapeutic for you, and it will show your ex how much he or she is missing.

Get My Ex Back/Get Myself Back - Tip 4

When I decided to get my ex back by getting myself back I had to learn to value myself. It's a good place to start.

Get yourself back by remembering your own value. You were a whole person before the relationship, and you're a whole person now that you've broken up. Neediness is not attractive, not in men or in women. Let your ex see you moving on. (Maybe you've heard of "fake it 'til you make it".) When your ex sees how well you're doing they'll realize how much they've lost.

Now you've gone through the process too, and you have yourself back. You're stronger, you're happier, and you're more confident than ever. The next time you see your ex, he or she will remember why they were attracted to you in the beginning. Will you want to get back together with your ex?

You deserve to be happy.