The 5 Stages of Grief

... Where are you on the emotional journey?

Dealing with a broken heart can be like coping with a death - the emotional stages you go through are the same. You don't always go through them in this order, and sometimes you find yourself bouncing back and forth between them. But when you know what the stages are - and know it's normal to go through them - dealing with your broken heart can be easier.

So where are you on this journey?

The pain stage of dealing with a broken heart.

This is usually first. When you have to face the knowledge that this person you've shared so much of yourself with doesn't want you anymore it can cause unbearable pain. The pain will ebb and flow during the whole breakup process - some days will be worse than others. Remember that it's normal, and you will get through it. It's hard to believe at the beginning, but the pain will lessen with time.

The denial stage of dealing with a broken heart.

You don't want to believe that the person you've shared your life with for so long doesn't want you any more. You can't quite grasp the idea that someone would walk away from such a great connection. You try to convince yourself they're just 'going through a stage' and they'll 'come to their senses'. But the truth is - they may, or they may not.

You have no way of knowing how long they've been contemplating ending the relationship. They may already have worked through their own stages of the breakup process before they even talked to you about breaking up.

The anger stage of dealing with a broken heart.

When you get over the initial shock and understand it's really going to happen you might get mad...really, really mad. You'll think, 'How can he treat me like this after everything I've done for him'. 'She'll be lucky to find someone half as good as me.' You're mad at your ex, at yourself, and if there was someone else involved in the breakup you're really mad at them, too.

It may seem strange, but it's actually good to get to this stage. There's a lot of energy in anger you can use to get the closure you need to move on. But it can also be dangerous. Be very sure you don't let anger overrule your good judgement.

Express your anger in private, or with a trusted friend. Expend the angry energy by getting physical - hit a pillow against the couch, take walks, start jogging, ride your bicycle, mow your own lawn instead of paying a service. You need to use the energy so you don't turn your anger back on yourself as bitterness or depression. And you can do it in ways that won't hurt anyone else.

The grief stage of dealing with a broken heart.

It's normal to grieve after a loss - whether it's the end of your relationship or a death.

• You may grieve for the loss of the life you expected to have when you first got together.
• You may grieve the loss of the love and companionship you shared.
• You may grieve for the person you thought your ex would be.
• You may grieve for the person you thought you would be.

It's normal to go back and forth between anger and grief. You can get through it if you let yourself. Let yourself feel the grief - cry if you need to. Deal with the anger. Eventually you'll be able to let go and move on.

The acceptance stage of dealing with a broken heart.

This is the stage where you can move on. You are finally to the point where you believe that you can be happy again. You realize you are a wonderful person who is capable of giving and receiving love - and you're ready to start looking.

We all go through the stages of grief - it's inevitable. There's no "right" way to go through the stages - no set time limit and no set order. Remember that all of these feelings are totally normal. Letting yourself go through the process will help you get rid of the emotional baggage so you can find love again.