I was convinced he was cheating and we were about to break up. Everywhere I looked I found clues proving - to me at least - he had found someone else. When I was finally able to sleep, I had nightmares about how to deal with the break up.

I would wake up in a terrible mood, so of course the whole day would be full of negativity and disappointment. I was always on edge and ready to attack. I would anticipate our next encounter being cold, so I was cold first.

Does this sound familiar? Are you so convinced your significant other is leaving that you're dealing with breakup before it even happens?

I was. I set myself up for failure. Nothing could make me believe that there was something to save because I had already imagined it over. My only expectations of the relationship were loneliness and grief.

But I was really just driving him away. He had no plans to leave - it was my expectations that threatened our relationship. I had become his antagonist instead of his lover. Suddenly I realized I wasn't finding answers, I was just speculating. I was chasing shadows. It was like one person trying to play hide and seek, looking and looking for something that just wasn't there.

I knew I had to change if I wanted to stop a break up. I wanted to be someone who didn't live in suspicion, who didn't obsessively question every move my boyfriend made. I wanted to be someone fun and much more appealing. I had thought someone like that was coming between us, then I realized that fun person was the person I used to be. That's who I was when I attracted him into my life.

I found things I could change in myself.

• I could believe in myself more. I didn't think I brought anything to the relationship, so I was constantly suspicious that he was looking for someone better. When I started listing everything I have to offer I could accept that he really loved me.
• I could become a more interesting person. I listed all my interests, and things I always wanted to know more about. Then I listed ways to go about learning. I realized if I had more interests of my own I wouldn't feel so threatened when my boyfriend spent time on his interests.

Pretty soon I stopped focussing on what I felt I was losing, and started focussing on the things I had gained. We actually made a new beginning, finding new things every day to discover and share with each other.

Now our relationship is better than it's ever been. I learned how to stop a break up!